Thursday, December 6, 2012

The Birds and the Bees

Today's Zinger: I actually overhead this conversation in my Creative Writing class today:

Male Student A: What are "the birds and the bees?"
Female Student B: You know, the sex talk.
Male Student A: My parents don't talk about that stuff. Will you tell me?
Female Student B: Uh, no.
Male Student A: C'mon, I wanna hear the story.
Female Student B: Why birds and bees anyway? That can't work out. Hey, baby, hold still (student is now thrusting her pelvis). Why birds and bees? They aren't even the same size.
ME: (Because I had to jump in) It's not birds with bees; it's birds with birds and bees with bees.
Female Student A: So, why don't they call it the "birds talk?"
Male Student B: Why do they use two animals anyway?
Female Student A: Well, they can't use a human and an animal.
Male Student B: That won't work anyway. Animals can't have sex with humans.
Female Student A: Yes they can!
Male Student B: Oh, yeah. Beastiology.

Monday, November 26, 2012

HUGE TpT Sale Monday and Tuesday


It doesn't get better than this on TpT! Get 20% off my products and an additional 10% off anything you buy on TpT Monday and Tuesday. Most sellers are offering 20% off as well. Go to my scrolling store on the right to start shopping.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Polynesia: A Place or a Sauce?

Today's Zinger: In a conversation with two students who are Baltimore Ravens fans, one of them pronounced Haloti Ngata's last name with a hard g. I said, "It's 'Nata;' the g is silent. He's Polynesian." The other student said, "Polynesia is a place? I thought it was just a sauce at Chik-fil-A!"

Today's Tip: I tried something new this week, and I thought it was worth sharing. My juniors wrote an essay analyzing Patrick Henry's "Speech to the Virginia Convention," and the results were less than stellar. The rubric (a generic one based on the AP English Language exam) is on a scale of 1 to 9. I told them to rewrite their essays based on my comments and aim for a score of 8. I met one-on-one with students after school yesterday and dealt with "biggest bang for the buck" strategies. The revisions I got today were remarkably improved!

Today's Resource: I discovered a website on Monday, and I was delighted by all the freebies. Check out all these graphic organizers!

Monday, October 8, 2012

The International Bachelorette Programme

Today's Zingers: I asked some teacher buddies to contribute to the blog today, and I got these responses from friends Christina and Lynn:

I was teaching Romeo and Juliet and a young man was trying to express that he was growing bored with the story, and he said to me, “This story is so monogamous.” I told him that technically, yes it was, but I thought he meant to say “monotonous” and then explained what the definitions of the two words were. The best part: He then argued that he was right and I was wrong. Ugh.

I had a personal essay in which the girl said she was in the International Bachelorette Programme.  I think Microsoft Word did a weird spellcheck!

Today's Tip: I tend to teach in small chunks, hover over them until students demonstrate proficiency, and then move on. Here's my tip: Instead of evaluating an entire draft, have an essay come to you in pieces. For example, if you have 30 students in a class, you can zip through 30 body paragraphs and give instant feedback. The next day, students revise that one paragraph and then plan and draft the next. You'll find that the second body paragraph that comes in will be a bit more refined than the first, and you may avoid marking the same issues over and over. This strategy is especially helpful with struggling students.

Today's Resource: YOU! In the Comments, give your best tip for dealing with the paper load in an English classroom.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

The Kissing Chair

Today I tried out an activity created by Effie Cannon. I gave each student a piece of paper with several parts of speech listed vertically. I had half the students start at the bottom and the other half at the top, folding their papers after they had written the word required. We passed the papers around a circle and repeated the action until each sheet was filled. Students did not know what was on the paper they received. Students then unfurled their papers and found a complete (fairly nonsensical) sentence. They tweaked the verb tense to make it work and then wrote each sentence on the board. These are the sentences they created. WARNING: I HAVE NOT EDITED SEXUAL OR POLITICALLY INCORRECT CONTENT. THESE ARE THE ACTUAL SENTENCES STUDENTS CREATED BY ACCIDENT!

The blue rhino is kissing a very elaborate skyscraper.
The Asian girl is really limping the special window.
A butt-ugly teacher is unfortunately squishing a stupified house.
The ugly kangaroo was happily thrusting the stupendous apartment.
The indigo mother was thrustingly tackling the greasy Mexican boy.
The slow Asian girl had spiritually impaled the Negro water.
A pretty elephant seal was gently stroking a secret paper.
The kissing chair is stupendously attacking the red acne.
The ridiculous soccer mom was mostly trapezed on the spacious hibachi.
A dumb worker had hurriedly thrusted the green platypus poop.

Why try this exercise? My students found it to be a great parts of speech review although that wasn't my purpose. I wanted to make the point that writers DO NOT structure their sentences by accident, that we are VERY deliberate about the placement of words. I moved from this "game" to an analysis of syntax in a short passage.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

They caught a case of heredity.

Today's Zinger: My Creative Writing/Biology combination class is working on a research paper on stem cells. One girl wrote in her draft, "For some people, diet and exercise were not enough to avoid cardiovascular disease. They caught a case of heredity." (By the way, this student has probably asked me ten times if I posted her funny sentence yet, so yes, I do get permission from the students before I post their funny lines.)

Today's Tip: Research indicates that you can get the most bang for your buck teaching writing at the sentence level with mini lessons on structure. Today as a bellringer review, my students pulled compound-complex sentences from their writing --or what they they thought were compound-complex sentences--and put them on the board. Each student had to go to a different sentence and mark the independent and dependent clauses and determine whether or not it was CD-CX. The kids got to move, evaluate, and socialize--the trifecta of teendom!

Today's Resource: I have two free resources for my teaching buddies today.

The first is a chart to help students analyze tonight's presidential debate.

Obama-Romney "Debate" Analysis Chart

The second is a handy PDF for making a Formative Flip, a quick assessment tool that can be used in ANY classroom.

Formative Flip

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Put that sentence on Weight Watchers . . .

Today's Zingers: 

I've been working on conciseness with all of my classes recently, and I had one group take a sentence from one of their own essays and write it on the board. When one student finished writing his, his friend said, "Dude,  you need to put that sentence on Weight Watchers and trim the fat."

My AP English Language students are working on style analysis this quarter. Last week, they analyzed Bill Clinton's DNC speech, and one student wrote, "Clinton tries to convince his listeners to re-elect Obama. People "on the fence" know which meadow they want to be in. If it's one that breeds donkeys or elephants, only they know."

Yesterday, my juniors began studying "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God," the fiery sermon by Jonathan Edwards. When I asked the group what they knew of the time period in which the sermon was delivered, one boy confidently said, "The Great Awakening happened just before the Great Depression."

Today's Tip/Resource: I need to clarify the way in which I bundle my products on TeachersPayTeachers because many of my buyers are purchasing the same item twice. My 77-page unit, Style Analysis (or Rhetorical Analysis) for AP English Language and Composition, is also sold in pieces. The following products are part of that unit, so please be aware that when  you purchase the unit, you purchase ALL of these items as well. It is much less expensive to buy the entire unit than it is to buy the pieces.

If you have made double purchases in error, shoot an e-mail to TpT for reimbursal, OR e-mail me to get a product of equal value for free.

HANDOUTS ONLY for Style Analysis (or Rhetorical Analysis) for AP English Language and Composition

Back Door Syntax Organizer

Tone Words in Categories

AP English Syntax Test

Using Images to Introduce Tone

AP English Style Analysis Tool Box

AP English Syntax Scavenger Hunt

Point of View Terminology Graphic

SOAPS Acronym Visual and Activator

AP English Syntax Bundle

Figurative Language Analysis Bundle

Rhetorical Triangle Graphic

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Constipated Red Blood Cells

Today's Zingers: Another bonus day! You get three student funnies for the price of none!
1. (Out of context, this one's funny.) "That red blood cell looks constipated."
2. (From a student's memoir) "She looked as scared as a raccoon that was almost hit by a minivan."
3. (Again, a gem out of context) "Why rats need erectile dysfunction medication, I'll never know."

Today's Tip and Resource: I LOVE http://www.weebly.com/! You can create a free teacher web site and then set up student accounts. Students can create multiple-page sites, and the instruction you would front load aligns with Common Core. Imagine knocking out several standards as students analyze literary and informational texts, write, and collaborate on their sites.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

AssAss ination

Today's (Overheard) Zinger:
Student A: "How do you spell assassination?"
Student B: "Oh! I know this! Double ass-i-nation."

Bonus: "Everyone in my urgent family does it." I think she was going for immediate.

Today's Tip: As you come to grips with the new Common Core standards, mount a pacing guide, unit guide, or standards grid on a bulletin board near your desk. As you incorporate each standard, highlight what you've done.

Today's Resource: I created a grid so that I can see all the Common Core ELA 9-10 standards at once. It made so much much sense to me that I thought it would be valuable to others. I'd love some feedback on the format.

Common Core Instruction Tracker (ELA 9-10 Grade Band)

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

9/11, the day the Japanese attacked America

Today's Zingers: On the way to school today, I realized that this year's freshmen would likely be my first group to have no memory of 9/11. These kids were four and five years old. Before beginning a photo response writing exercise on the World Trade Center collapses, I decided to assess students' background knowledge. I was dismayed when one of my freshmen said, "Wait, 9/11, I've heard of that." It only got worse. Not one student in my first block class could tell me the nationalities of the hijackers. Guesses ranged from Indian to American. Not one student could tell me how many planes were involved. What I did not realize was that "Flight 93 landed in Transylvania." I was also surprised that "9/11 was the day the Japanese attacked America." Better yet, "The emergency number 911 was named after 9/11."  I'm so afraid that this generation will never know the story.

Today's Tip: Trim back on paper by using blog posts as journal entries. The blog post is your prompt, and students respond by commenting. Here's an example from my school site.

Today's Resource: Here are some FREEBIES from my store on TeachersPayTeachers.com:

Tone Words in Categories
Accessing The American Pageant
Persuasive Speech Matrix Rubric

Monday, September 10, 2012

Grattamarically Wrong

Today's Zinger: Bonus day! You get two! Four students were using my room during lunch to plan a group project for another class. I overheard these two lines:

"You can't use that sentence. It's grattamarically wrong."

"I was nervous about getting my lip pierced until I went with my mom when she had hers done."

Today's Tip: Before beginning a unit, copy all materials needed for instruction, practice, and assessment. You'll save yourself the drama of running down the hall to the copier just before the bell rings ... because you were late to work ... because the baby threw up on you TWICE. This scenario is hypothetical, of course.

Today's Resource: TeachersPayTeachers.com is gaining thousands of members each week. Here's a Romeo and Juliet freebie from a newbie.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Keeping Us Straight

Today's Zinger: I teach an integrated Biology/Creative Writing class, and a student wrote this line on a review bellringer today: "The animal cell does not have a cell wall because we don't need one to keep us straight." This (unintentionally) funny line made me laugh aloud while grading the assignment, and when students looked up to find out the reason for the laughter, one asked, "Did one of us make the blog?!"

Today's Tip: At my school, students are allowed to have cell phones. We were losing the texting battle, so our administration team decided to come up with a compromise. Students may have them on campus and even use them between classes and during lunch, but they must surrender them before walking in to any classroom. The teachers stand at their doors with baskets, buckets, and boxes collecting phones as the kids come in. Everyone does it, so there's no drama when one teacher plays the heavy. Students know to turn their phones off before placing them in the basket, and they pick them up on their way out.

Today's Resource: I utterly love the work of Sabrina Hinson, a crazily creative high school English teacher. I highly recommend that you check out her TpT store here.


Wednesday, September 5, 2012

She has a migration.

Today's Zinger: "Brenda went home early. She has a migration."

Today's Tip: My first year teaching, someone gave me a "Tip a Day" time management calendar. One of the suggestions has stuck with me for 23 years: Keep an eye out for five-minute tasks. With a few minutes left at the end of lunch or a small chunk of time while students are working on an assignment, grade one paper, answer one email, or find five pieces of paper you can clear off your desk and recycle. Twelve of those five-minute jobs add up to an hour of work!

Today's Resources: I have posted several new products to my TeachersPayTeachers store. Please take a look.
Quotation Mark Posters (14 colorful posters with a rule and example on each)

Back Door Syntax Organizer (Revised to include teacher notes!)

Figurative Language Analysis Bundle

REQUEST! Are you a regular reader of this blog? Do the zingers make you smile? Let me know you're out there. Post a comment, Follow me, Like me, Pin me, Tweet about me. Let's spread the laughter.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Prostitute Dogs

Today's Zinger: Here's a question I got yesterday: "Mrs. Kratzer, Carla just called me a prostitute. That's a male dog, right, like a bitch is a female dog?"

Today's Tip: Once a quarter, offer a "come save your grade" day. Students who have not completed skill-based work due to absences can redeem themselves.

Today's Resource: I've just posted two editing products to TeacherspayTeachers.com.

Verb Tense Matching Game

Seven Editing Bellringers


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Accessorize During a Crime

Today's Zinger: One of my witty male students in AP English was trying on a classmate's bracelet. He quipped, "I love to accessorize, especially during a crime. Get it, Mrs. Kratzer? Get it? Accessory to a crime? Get it?"

Today's Tip: This is Day 7 of the 2012-2013 school year for me. At the high school level, we always have ten days of long,  mind-numbing homeroom time. To cut down on the chatter, I opened my I-own-these-so-you-better-take-care bookshelves to my homeroom students. They all checked out a book, and now homeroom has become reading time.

Today's Resource: I have discoverd Tracee Orman on teacherspayteachers.com, and I love this set of common core graphic organizers. Check it out here.

Announcement! I have just posted to TpT a full style analysis unit for AP English Language and Composition. Take a look.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

A Real Mama K

I am very happy to announce that this 20-year "Mama K" who has mothered so many teenagers is now Mama to Samuel Myles Kratzer, our newborn adopted son. I am utterly in love.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

The Joe Frazier Grill

Today's zinger: It's Sunday, so today's zinger isn't from a student. My parents are in town this weekend, and on the way to church this morning, my mom turned to my dad and said, "We need to get one of those Joe Frazier Grills." I laughed so hard my husband had to grab the steering wheel.

Today's tip: Go to used book sales just an hour or two before they close up.  At a local church fundraiser yesterday, I got novels for my classroom for $10 a bag.

Today's resource: xtranormal.com
This site is a fun way reinforce content and have students practice manipulating new vocabulary. Students create a mini cartoon movie with whatever content they want. When students are finished, they post their links on a class Goodledoc, and we watch each others' films.


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Chicken Feet

Today's zinger: I overheard two of my girls talking today about the "chicken feet" in their essays. When I asked what they were talking about, they both threw up their hands and showed me air quotes.
Chicken feet=quotation marks!

Today's tip: Try blogging as a way to force proofreading. Grade these "journal" entries purely on mechanical correctness. When students realize that their entries are live online for all the world to see, they are much more careful.

Today's resource: WallWisher.com is great way get input from students anonymously. They can discuss literature, manipulate vocabulary, throw out theories they would never risk sharing. It's free, and kids enjoy it.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Point Blank Range

Today's zinger: A history teacher contributed today's post when he noticed that, on the essay portion of a test, many of his students referred to the location of an assassination as Point Blank Range. Give it a minute; it'll soak in.

Today's tip: As your school begins to plan summer reading assignments, consider using an asset model rather than a deficit model. The students who do the reading start the year with a good grade on a reading test or some other type of assessment; the students who don't do the reading miss out on that reward. Students who hate reading are probably not motivated by the fear of failing a test.

Today's resource: As we prepare for the AP English exam, consider using the syntax test for review:
AP English  Syntax Test


Friday, April 20, 2012

A Texting Breakthrough

Today's zinger: (Teachers, get ready to be jealous. I'm just sayin.) This morning, one of my AP English students moped into my room and flopped down on what has been dubbed the counseling chair.
"My friends are irritated with me," she sighed. "When I text these days, I write whole paragraphs and complete words. I even proofread. It takes me forever to write a text! Thanks a lot."

Today's tip: Use found poetry as an assessment tool. To check students' connection with the theme of a chapter or novel, have them gather words, phrases, and sentences that catch their attention and have an emotional impact on the reader. Students then use their choices to create a poem whose theme is the same as the passage.

Today's resource:
I have a few freebies posted on my TpT site right now.
Freebies

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Race on Shuffle

Today's zinger: (I collected five today, but I'm going to ration them.) My sophomores started reading Elie Wiesel's Night today. During an energetic, synapse-popping debate about whether Judaism is an ethnicity, religion, race, or nationality; we started talking about the "racial" mixture we have in our class. One student, when asked about his background, said, "I'm black, white, Hispanic, even got a bit o' Native American in there. My heritage is just on shuffle."

Today's teaching tip: To prevent being asked five times a minute if you have a pencil, band aid, White-Out, stapler, or safety pin, simply hang a clear plastic shoe caddy over your door. Each pocket holds one category of frequently borrowed supplies. Develop a routine for when students can get up to get what they need, and the questions end.

Today's helpful item: This AP style analysis visual is a great place to start reviewing for the May 14 exam:
Style Analysis Tool Box

View my profile on 7th, 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th, Adult Education, Homeschooler, Staff - English Language Arts, Writing, English - TeachersPayTeachers.com

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Legos, Eggos, and Portals

Today's zinger: My AP Lang. students were reviewing argumentation today, and when I asked what the three persuasive appeals are, one student shouted confidently, "Eggos! Legos! and Portals!" If you're an AP nerd and think this one is as funny as I think it is, please comment below.

Today's tip: Don't go to Costco hungry. Really. Don't do it. I know this has nothing to do with teaching, but I just unloaded the back of my pickup, and this advice is on my mind.

Check it out: Here's a simple scavenger hunt for reviewing syntax.
Syntax Scavenger Hunt
Holla! It's only a dolla!

View my profile on 7th, 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th, Adult Education, Homeschooler, Staff - English Language Arts, Writing, English - TeachersPayTeachers.com

Monday, April 16, 2012

Something Terrible

Today's zinger: One of my sophomores walked into my classroom this morning shaking his head. "Mrs. Kratzer," he said, "you have done something terrible to me. I LIKE reading."

Today's tip: To save time pairing students, assign each person a "side partner" and a "row partner". When you want a quick get-together for collaboration, a simple "Turn to your row partner" gets the job done.

Freebie! Here's a handy persuasive speech rubric.

Persuasive Speech Matrix Rubric

View my profile on 7th, 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th, Adult Education, Homeschooler, Staff - English Language Arts, Writing, English - TeachersPayTeachers.com

Friday, April 13, 2012

My skirt will go with anything

Today's zinger: Just like my best friend, my skirt will go with anything.
I wish I could claim this gem as one of my own, but I can't. I saw this one in a list of sentences from a North Carolina standardized writing test.)

Today's teaching tip: On short one-passage AP multiple choice practice, humble yourself by taking one "cold" while the students are taking it. You'll get a good feel for the stress they're feeling, especially since you know you'll be judged. It is likely that you will miss a couple, and the rapport points you'll score will be immeasurable. Debate the answers with the students before looking at the key!


The AP English Language and Composition Exam is May 16, and I have highlighted some review materials on TpT.

AP Exam Review

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I freakin' learn, yo.

Today's zinger (Compliments don't get much better than this one): "Mrs. Kratzer, you can TEACH. I freakin' learn, yo!"

When I have writing instruction in my lesson plans, I wake up before my alarm and beat the custodian to school. More than literature, speaking, or any other strand of ELA, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to teach students how to write. A bonus is my passion for teaching teachers about writing instruction. There's nothing like seeing one of my peers light up in one of those Aha! moments. Here's my teacher tip for the day: When teaching students to support and elaborate, have them color code their work. Blue is for concrete details, factual information that can be documented or found in the text. Red is for topic sentences and elaboration. The job of elaboration is to connect the blue concrete detail to the debatable idea in the topic sentence. I'll dig out a color coding lesson plan and get that posted soon.

Here's a lesson plan on teaching tone, and I've used this lesson with every level of high school student:
Introduction to Tone
Here's a great PowerPoint for visualizing tone:
Using Images to Introduce Tone

Monday, April 9, 2012

MacBETH

Today's student zinger: "What?! Macbeth is a DUDE!?"
My English 12 students were about halfway through Act I when a student asked this question. For followers who keep up with the zingers, this young lady is the same one who produced "Tequila Mockingbird."

I decided to change format a bit today and start adding a teaching tip on each blog. Here's today's tip: Buy a cheap "clapper" or some sort of irritating noise maker at a dollar store and use it to herd the cats during loud exercises. When I need my students' attention, instead of yelling over them, I use the clapper. We rehearse on the first day of school so that they have an automatic silent response to the sound. Works like a charm!

I've been working on a visual review for the AP English Language exam. Here's the link:
AP Style Review Tool Box

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

King Kong

Today's student zinger: "I stick out like King Kong at a convention for dwarves."

I've been working lately on funky sentence structure with my high school English students. Here's a fun "station" to use in a sentence structure rotation:

Dangling and Misplaced Modifiers

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Bottled Water

Student: "What do you mean you didn't have bottled water when you were a kid? What did you drink water out of?"
Me: "A glass."


Before I deal with the concepts in a novel, I often have students read the entire book and take a "Did you read it?" test that simply provides accountability. Two of my "DYRI?" tests are available on Teacherspayteachers this week. Click on the links below if you're interested.

The Things They Carried

The Bluest Eye

7th, 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th, Adult Education, Homeschooler, Staff - English Language Arts, Writing, English - TeachersPayTeachers.com; ?>

Monday, March 26, 2012

Madame Ovary

"Could I borrow a copy of Madame Ovary?"
The student who asked me that question was so sincere that I just handed her a copy of the novel---complete with the B--without saying a word.

Recently, I've been posting lots of AP English products on TPT. Click on the icon below to take a look.

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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Tequila Mockingbird

"When are we going to start reading Tequila Mockingbird?"

Nothing can make me laugh like a high school student. Welcome to my teacher blog, where I throw up my favorite student one-liners from essays and class discussions.

Like what you're reading? Click on the link below to check out my original products on Teachers Pay Teachers. Follow me and keep up with the unit plans, lesson plans, assessments, and other goodies I post regularly.


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