Crazy Love

Three women--Kathy Clayton, Lynn Tester, and Cindy Holt--just drove to my house from Greensboro, cleaned said house, and filled its fridge with meals. THAT'S sacrificial love. They loved on me, made me sit, and prayed with me before leaving. My love cup is again overflowing.

We got the pathology report back yesterday from the surgery I had last week. The surgeon removed a 2.1 cm malignant tumor and surrounding tissue, and the "margin" was negative. He took a second suspicious tumor, and it was benign. Last, he took three sentinel lymph nodes, and they all came back negative. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah.

Love that Percocet

Cancer is officially hijacking my blog, so check here for updates from now on.

On Thursday morning, I went to The Breast Center (what my husband calls Hooters) to have wires placed to help the surgeon find his mark. One was placed during a mammogram and the other during an ultrasound. I headed over to Cone with those filament-like wires taped to me.

In pre-op I got to spend a bit of time with an OR nurse, former student, who was with me in the operating room. My last thought before the nurse anesthetist knocked me out was, This is more weird than comforting. She's going to see me completely nak . . .

During the four-hour surgery, I had six incisions, one for a 2.8 cm cancerous tumor, one for a suspicious lymph node and cyst, and a large one for a biopsy of three sentinel lymph nodes. The other three were to place the portacath through which my chemotherapy and Herceptin will be injected next year.

As of this morning, all the anesthesia has worn off, and I'm hurting. I can take Percocet every four hours, and that knocks me out enough to keep me from reaching, lifting, and doing other such forbidden things. Samuel keeps trying to climb up on me, and it's so hard to explain why we can't cuddle! He has been a little trooper, and my Aunt Beverly--whom he calls "Nana Bev"--has kept him busy.

One of the best decisions I made before surgery was setting up a Meal Train so that my mom would not have to worry about meals while taking care of this clan. I have two slots left for December if anyone wants to jump on.

I will probably start chemotherapy the first or second week of January, but I don't have an exact schedule yet. Once I do, there will be a meal schedule for the days following each treatment, with more days near the end of the 18-week duration when the cumulative effects of the chemo will be worse.

I love having visitors! Friends with kids kept us entertained yesterday, and I went to sleep last night feeling encouraged and loved. Thank you all for praying; God hears you and loves you.

Testing Fatigue

The kind of emotional fatigue I'm experiencing today is almost debilitating. I released some anger this morning in the form of hurling one of my son's toys across the living room, and we ended up in a puddle together, sobbing.

My sweet boy has to walk through cancer with me. This morning when I was changing him, he asked, "Doctor today, Mommy?"

No, son. Not today.

It is as if I'm already in treatment, but I'm only in the testing stage. On occasion, some poor health care professional gets the brunt of my frustration, and yesterday it was the tech who told me my weight exceeded the limit for the MRI table. This would be the closed MRI I asked not to be scheduled for. Either way, it was not going to be a good afternoon for the crew at Wesley Long. They were going to get Panic Attack Angie or Find-Me-A-Supervisor Angie, and they got the latter. All hail to the three women who had to deal with my rage yesterday after another teach had already spent 45 minutes trying to find a good vein for the IV.

Here are the tests and appointments I've had so far since October. I held some off until we moved so that I could find new docs, so the first ones are pre-cancer.

Pre-Cancer;
1. optometrist exam
2. opthamologist exam
3. new GP appointment
4. blood drawn for broad panel during checkup
5. pulmonologist appt
6. blood drawn to check for vitamin D deficiency
7. overnight sleep study
8. pulmonologist follow up
9. respiratory therapist appt

Cancer Related
10. initial annual mammogram
11. second mammogram to look at two abnormal spots
12. two needle biopsies (one without numbing meds)
13. third mammogram to make sure the tech could see the markers placed during biopsy
14. manual exam by my gyn
15. blood drawn for BRCA1 and BRCA2 gene tests
16. blood drawn for kidney function test
17. MRI, before which my blood was drawn. When I asked what it was being drawn for, the nurse said, "kidney function." I said, "My blood was drawn yesterday to check for kidney function." She looked at her computer and said, "Huh. So it was."
18. third needle biopsy (for naught---the radiologist found it impossible to get the tiny lymph node)
19. oncologist appt
20. surgeon appt
21. physical therapist appt
21. radiation oncologist appt
22. genetic counseling appt
23. blood drawn for more genetic tests
24. follow up appt with GP
25. echocardiogram (baseline because the treatment could damage my heart)
26. PET scan

coming up

27. Saturday--a second MRI
28. Tuesday--cardiologist appt
29. Wednesday--oncologist
30. Thursday--surgery

Interrupted by Cancer

Stage. Grade. Markers. Genes. Generous. Ample. Fatty. Aggressive. Angry. Options. Chemo. Radiation. Support. Drains. Sentinel. Walk. Risks. Metastatic. Spread. Sugar. Caffeine. Stretch. Nodes. Survival. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink.

The volume of information in my brain is exhausting me. I heard from my oncologist on Wednesday that my breast cancer is not "sleepy" as we had hoped. After a basic screening mammogram three weeks ago detected two abnormalities, I had a second mammogram, then a sonogram, two biopsies, another mammogram, confirmation of Stage I cancer, an MRI, another sonogram, another biopsy, and then an official diagnosis:

I have a 2.5 cm invasive ductal carcinoma labeled Stage II with an "aggressiveness" rating of Grade 3. These cells are growing RAPIDLY at a rate of 98% within a given time frame. Cells have left the milk duct in which they started growing out of control, and I now have some lymph nodes that look suspicious. Lymph nodes carry cells to other parts of the body, so there is a pretty good chance this cancer has gone hunting elsewhere.

The pathology report on my lesion indicates that it does not have estrogen or progesterone receptors, but it does have the HER2 receptor, a protein that likes to eat and feed the cell so that it can grow. So here's the plan:

I will have a lumpectomy within the next couple of weeks. The surgeon will take the cancer and a suspicious lesion above it and then do a test to see if my sentinel lymph nodes have the cancer. If they do, all the lymph nodes under my left arm will be removed. Chemotherapy will start in January, followed by radiation in the spring.

There is also a spot on my liver, and I'll have a PET scan to look at that next week.

I have a toddler to raise and two businesses to run, but I DO NOT HAVE LESSON PLANS TO DO, A SUBSTITUTE TO FIND, OR THE ANGST OF DECIDING WHETHER OR NOT TO GO TO SCHOOL ON A ROUGH DAY. I am so very, very thankful that I work from home now.

Close friends who follow my blog, if  you ask how you can help, I'm giving you a task. I will need support, and I'm going to be proactive about setting up a schedule so that my family is not exhausted. I'm asking for two-hour chunks of time, meals, shopping, cleaning, and babysitting. Once the surgery date is set, I'll need bits of help from a lot of friends and family so that my husband and parents are not worn down.

I'm not a simpering victim who will curl up and die. I am His beloved, and I am surrounded by family and friends who will let me get away with only brief pity parties. I welcome any and all love an encouragement. Bring it on.

Ten Minutes a Day

My best, most cogent ideas come to me in the shower. This morning, between my husband asking me if I had seen his toothbrush and my toddler pushing aside the curtain to ask, "Baff too?," I had one of those clear thoughts.

How is it possible to work from home amidst all the distractions when there is often no large chunk of time to get any writing done? I'm in one of those seasons, a period of constant motion created by a small child and two small businesses. If I cannot work in large sections of time, I must make the small chunks count by focusing on selling what I have rather than creating more.

So, here is a list of ideas for writers who have to work in ten-minute windows of time. Today's list is for my teacher-author friends at TeachersPayTeachers.com.

Ten-Minute Tasks

1. Sketch an outline for a new product.

2. Create a document for all the html coded products you like to cross-link in product descriptions.

3. Freshen up a product description. Begin with a clever line and be sure to incorporate key words a potential buyer might use in a search. A list of key words can be found in the Seller's Handbook and on several forum posts.

4. Skim a section of the Seller's Handbook that you have not read in a while. You'll find a link to the PDF in the bottom left hand corner of your dashboard.

5. Drop in a hyperlink to a product within another product's description. How do you do that? You need to add code before the URL, between the URL and text, and after the text.
Here's an example. Pay attention to the red characters.

</a><a href="http://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/AP-English-Language-BIG-CHUNK-BUNDLE-1138336">AP English Language BIG CHUNK BUNDLE</a>

6. Hop on Pinterest and pin one of your products and five non-product ideas. Who am I kidding? No one gets on Pinterest for just ten minutes.

7. Watch one of Charity Preston's videos on social marketing.

8. Proofread a product.

9. Tag Common Core standards for one product.

10. Study the store of a successful seller who creates a similar line of products. For example, if you primarily create high school social studies units, look for other social studies sellers in the Top 100.

11. Go through the descriptions for five products and make some important wording bold. How do you do that? Add <strong> before the text and <strong/> after.

12. On the Credits page at the end of a product, add a link to the store of every clip artist whose work you used in that product.

13. Drop in copyright information and a link to your store at the bottom of every page of a product.

14. Use several ten-minute chunks to update a cover page with larger letters, more color, higher quality clip art, and your store name.

15. Set up a tabbed binder for product ideas.

16. Add to your marketing knowledge. I have realized recently that I really know nothing about marketing, so I created a Pinterest board for it. Come on by and read, read, read.

17. If you're creating products in Word, spend a few minutes watching a tutorial on PowerPoint, and then STOP USING WORD. I mean it. Stop it right now. Your sanity is at stake.

18. Pay it forward by offering advice or feedback on the forum, pinning for a seller whose work you've purchased, or emailing a friend about TpT.

19. Write a post on your business Facebook page

20. Feel under the seats of your car for loose change. Put it in a bucket marked VEGAS 2015. Complete this task every day! Try the lounge couch cushions, junk drawer, laundry baskets, and gym bag. Secondary teachers, start a cursing jar in your classroom. If a student uses profanity, he or she drops a quarter in. A couple of months of that, and you have your plane ticket.

Here's the take away: You don't have to spend eight hours a day building your store. Small investments of time add up!

7 Ways to Make it Work

I once took a Saturday freelance editing class at Duke University, and the instructor began with the line, "If you're in this for the money, you're in the wrong class." Freelance editing has been more lucrative for me than writing has because the work is more consistent. There will always be website copy to proofread. Editing, however, is really, REALLY boring and offers no creative element unless you have to revamp someone's dissertation. Torture.

Unless you have another way to write about teenage vampire romance, the chances of making a lot of money writing from home are slim. With some connections and some photography skills, magazine copy can be worthwhile. In general, writing articles just to have clips to show a major magazine requires a lot of research, travel, and time for little or no money.

With a toddler and a family business to co-run, I had to find a way to make money without the overhead, travel, or wait (for responses to queries). That's where TeachersPayTeachers came in. Now that the site takes school purchase orders, there's a lot of money to be made, and there are folks who are making it . . . and finding themselves able to leave the classroom and control their own schedules.

So, what does a passionate writer do until the sales start to pop? I found that I had to change the way I lived in order to live the life I wanted. Here are some recommendations if you're serious about writing from home:

1. Move. But that's so drastic! So is quitting your day job. We went from 2200 square feet (plus two attics and a basement) in a high-tax city to 1600 square feet (no attic, no basement) in a rural area. We cut our mortgage in half, our taxes in half, my husband's commute in half, and our electric bill in half. (The real sacrifice here is, of course, the 30-minute commute to Target.)

2. Hire an accountant. You might think you're saving money by doing them yourself, but a professional can find all kinds of tidbits here and there.

3. Watch "Hoarders" and "Hoarding: Buried Alive" at least once a week. I watch an episode or , two while I'm cleaning. Purge and sell. I'm just getting into Craig's List, eBay, and consigning.

4. Open several bank accounts (at the same bank so that you can see them all online at the same time) and tuck away for emergencies, repairs, and holidays. You will not know what you're making month to month, so you need to save where you can when you can. Have a yard sale just for the Christmas fund. Sell on eBay just for the emergency fund. Consign just for the kids' clothing money. Using an envelope system works just as well if you won't borrow from yourself. I've tried it---epic fail.

5. Brace yourself for hard choices. Last week, we became a one-car family. Last year, we were on the borderline for Medicaid qualification. Today, I put my grandmother's glass candy dishes on eBay.

6. Cut up your credit cards. What the what? Leaving teaching or any other semi-secure job is ter.ri.fy.ing. If your security is in your credit cards, you'll use them instead of choosing not to make the purchases. You may not have the extra income to pay off that bad debt, so don't accumulate it. Set up an emergency fund first and then, snip-snip!

7. Hang this sign up somewhere in your work space: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. The list of what you might have to do to set up life so that you can quit your day job will be long. Take one bite at a time and do it well.

Guilt and Productivity

The unfamiliar, gutteral screams coming from my son when I took him to his first "Play Pals" group yesterday could not have been more painful had they been the result of being sawed in half with a paring knife.

I had to do it. Working from home--at some point--has to mean actually working. My toddler spends his day unfolding laundry, spilling drinks on brand new leather furniture, and saying "Nooooo!" to his mother. One morning a week, he will have to wreak havoc elsewhere so Mama can write.

When he's with me, I find that I do minuscule jobs all day--fold two laundry items, wash one dish, put my shoes on. There have to be chunks of committed time for writing; otherwise, I have to re-read and re-group every time I sit down.

Defining My Mulling

I've been mulling. To mull is to consider, ponder . . . or mess up. What does it mean to be a blogger when I'm not sure who I am outside the classroom? I taught for 23 years. I've been writing for much longer. When I started this blog, the idea was to make my readers laugh at funny things students said. I pulled from student essays, conversation, and overheard drama. Those years were lots of fun, and they are over for now.

So what am I now that I'm at home with a two-year-old wild man? I'm defined neither by my profession nor my motherhood. I do a lot of different things in a day---work as my husband's bookkeeper, write teaching materials, follow bugs with my son, get my home ready for showings, create jewelry. I am none of those tasks.

So, how does a writer in need of an outlet know in what direction to funnel her energies? (I guess she could begin by cleaning up those mixed metaphors, but what would be the fun in that?) I want and need to write about so many topics, but there must be a need to define myself as a blogger. So, what do you blog about?
Why would I want to follow you? Would I learn anything from you? Will you make me laugh? Will you be sappy and sentimental? Dunno. Dunno. Maybe. Surely. Probably.

My customers--my soul mate teachers--might want to know how I come up with ideas for the units I create. They might want to hear about sellers whose products I would recommend. They will surely want to laugh. My writer friends want to know how I can pull off quitting my job and writing from home. We can just clear that one up right now: I don't live on my earnings yet. Right now, the sales of my teaching materials pay the mortgage. Not bad.

So, I need some feedback. How to do I blog about teaching, writing, and working from home? Comments would be greatly appreciated.

For the sake of it

An idea "flew into my funnel" today. (I can only use toddler references these days as my brain is turning to mush.) For the past two days, I've been reading a book for pleasure. I want to write that again. For the past two days, I've been reading a book for pleasure. The autobiography I Am Malala has swallowed me whole, and I've made it through 130 pages while working on a product for TeachersPayTeachers and chasing an active, curious, mischievous, loud, messy, clutter-producing toddler. He ran by me once--naked, wearing Halloween vampire teeth--but I was undeterred.

So, back to that idea in my funnel. It's not new, but I believe all revelation has to be personal. It's this: I must read as much as I write. On becoming a mom, I all but gave up reading for pleasure. I find that I can't stay with a book for any length of time, and if I can't completely forget where I am, it's no fun. Today, the fleeting thought that prompted the revelation was this one: I should be writing, not reading. Reading is a luxury. It's a lie.

I have felt more relaxed in the last two days than I have in weeks. Consequently, there's room in my head for ideas. As writers, we can't sacrifice pleasure for production.