The kind of emotional fatigue I'm experiencing today is almost debilitating. I released some anger this morning in the form of hurling one of my son's toys across the living room, and we ended up in a puddle together, sobbing.
My sweet boy has to walk through cancer with me. This morning when I was changing him, he asked, "Doctor today, Mommy?"
No, son. Not today.
It is as if I'm already in treatment, but I'm only in the testing stage. On occasion, some poor health care professional gets the brunt of my frustration, and yesterday it was the tech who told me my weight exceeded the limit for the MRI table. This would be the closed MRI I asked not to be scheduled for. Either way, it was not going to be a good afternoon for the crew at Wesley Long. They were going to get Panic Attack Angie or Find-Me-A-Supervisor Angie, and they got the latter. All hail to the three women who had to deal with my rage yesterday after another teach had already spent 45 minutes trying to find a good vein for the IV.
Here are the tests and appointments I've had so far since October. I held some off until we moved so that I could find new docs, so the first ones are pre-cancer.
1. optometrist exam
2. opthamologist exam
3. new GP appointment
4. blood drawn for broad panel during checkup
5. pulmonologist appt
6. blood drawn to check for vitamin D deficiency
7. overnight sleep study
8. pulmonologist follow up
9. respiratory therapist appt
10. initial annual mammogram
11. second mammogram to look at two abnormal spots
12. two needle biopsies (one without numbing meds)
13. third mammogram to make sure the tech could see the markers placed during biopsy
14. manual exam by my gyn
15. blood drawn for BRCA1 and BRCA2 gene tests
16. blood drawn for kidney function test
17. MRI, before which my blood was drawn. When I asked what it was being drawn for, the nurse said, "kidney function." I said, "My blood was drawn yesterday to check for kidney function." She looked at her computer and said, "Huh. So it was."
18. third needle biopsy (for naught---the radiologist found it impossible to get the tiny lymph node)
19. oncologist appt
20. surgeon appt
21. physical therapist appt
21. radiation oncologist appt
22. genetic counseling appt
23. blood drawn for more genetic tests
24. follow up appt with GP
25. echocardiogram (baseline because the treatment could damage my heart)
26. PET scan
27. Saturday--a second MRI
28. Tuesday--cardiologist appt